Nyumbani good bye

This is from Sammy's funeral at Nyumbani. The kids are all so sad, but at least he has a name on a marker. So many kids in Africa don't, they're just a statistic. I look at his name though and it breaks my heart. I really can't believe all the Samuels in Cottage D are gone. And in this country we're arguing about lipstick?

Saying Goodbye

Sammy died Wednesday afternoon. He was in the sickroom with one of the Kenyan nurses and Sr. Julie, an American volunteer. He suffered for months, unable to move, to eat, really communicate. Because they couldn't maintain his nutritional status he lost most of his weight. Because he couldn't move he developed pressure sores on his body when his skin started breaking down. They don't have the fancy beds or cushions we have here that help with that. They tried to protect his body by ptting stuffed animals people had given the kids under the pressure points. Wasn't very comfortable and didn't work. He would cry when Mum Terry came to the sickroom, he just really wanted to be back in the cottage with the other kids.
When the other kids came home from school they were told he had died, and they came to the sickroom to say goodbye. All this brings back such painful memories for me of Ken.
This is my most favorite memory of Sammy:
One day I took him and Brian down to Karen to have "coke and chips (fries). We had a great afternoon just watching all the activity in the village and stopping at the little stores and markets. They were great company. As we headed back up the 3 big hills to Nyumbani we saw some of the older Nyumbani boys walking home from school. Like any little boys anywhere Brian and Sammy wanted to walk with the big boys. I sent them on ahead, watching them running and fooling around and just being boys. It was so fun, and I was so thankful for this glimpse of normal childhood. Suddenly Sammy came running back down the hill to me. He reached out and took my hand and held my hand all the way back to Nyumbani. Sometimes even big boys aren't enough to make you forget a friend.

Sammy K

Yet Another Child

Sammy died this afternoon at Nyumbani. He was 12. He suffered for 8 months. I rubbed his back everynight I was there until he fell asleep. I slept on the floor next to his bed when he was sick. I will always be grateful for those memories and that chance to take care of him. I will write more tomorrow and post his picture. I will have more details, so you can't forget either.

Way Overdue Update

As usual sorry for the long silence. I keep thinking I will have news to report about going back, it's hard to write month after month that there's no news on that front. We have been in email contact but no decisions have been made, no "see you in a month" messages. It's long and involved but briefly here's the hang up: they have committed the money, "they" being PEPFAR. The money is granted and comes into the country through PEPFAR, is administered through US AID by an organization called AED (Academy for Educational Development). International aid is the land of acronyms! AED's role is to provide technical, administrative support and oversight for PEPFAR funded projects. It has been decided that I need to be partnered with another organization for all that support, so I'm not out there by myself wildly spending the US government's money (we all know nobody ever does that!). The hang up is figuring out who I should partner with and what that agreement will look like. In the meantime the infection rate continues to rise and kids who need the information my project provides aren't getting it. A lesson here maybe?
Family news: Emma is thriving! She is really fun, awake a lot and letting us know she's a force to be reckoned with. Jack is the best big brother, she's just kind of flowed into all our lives and now it's like she was always here.
Officer Tim and Liz had a beautiful wonderful wedding. The highlights included the couple on their friends' shoulders dancing to the Ring of Fire, the groomsmen getting their gifts - handcuffs with their names engraved on them! Tim and Jack walking down the aisle together, hand in hand, Jack holding on to his ring pillow, my first glimpse of my beautiful new daughter in law. Our family is truly blessed.
And the sad news, Sammy continues to deteriorate, the last few days he's had fevers, is sleeping more. It's hard to know for sure from here what's happening but we may be nearing the end. The fact that this will be the 3rd Cottage D Samuel I lose is more than I can bear. I will keep you posted. That I promise.

Meet Emma Kate

She is so alert, always looking around checking out the world. Jack is quite taken with her, he will be a very good big brother.

We all pray that every child born into the world is born into such love, opportunity and good health.

She's Here!!

Emma Kate was born at 4:33am on June 10th. Tim and I were there when she was born. It is such a blessing to see your daughter bring a child into the world with such grace and humor. All are safe and sound. She weighed 8lbs 4ozs, with lots of dark hair!

Home, But NO Baby!!

Took over 28 hours but made it home on Saturday night. My new granddaughter, however, decided to stay put! I was glad to not miss her birth but we're all ready now, especially Elizabeth. Here are the promised pictures: The streets of Lamu, still my most favorite place on earth, sitting in the town center, listening to the political discussions (not that I can understand them!) saying jambo (hello) to the kids and drinking coke!

Next is kids from the day care, Jukumu Letu, wrapped in love and blankets from My Two Grandmas. Note the quality of the work! Thank you Liz and Tom and Sandy for your hard work and generosity. The kids are already sleeping under them at nap time.

Last is Sammy K, a shadow of his former self. The face of futility and lost potential. Not to mention pain and suffering.

Kindness of Strangers

On my way home, will have more details when I arrive. Elizabeth called and said she is in early labor!! I am racing the stork to get there in time. Presently in London, will board soon and hopefully baby girl will stay put as I cross the Atlantic.
My seatmate from Nairobi turned out to be from an NGO based in London that specializes in reproductive health! Her boss was also on the flight, when we landed he offered me his international cell phone to call home and check on elizabeth and see if the baby had arrived. I was able to reach Ali and found out I still have some time.
Then when I checked in with Northwest they wanted to charge me $150 because I have 3 pieces of checked luggage, one half full suitcase, one empty suitcase and one certain gift for a little boy. Kenya Airways hadn't charged me in Nairobi, I pleaded my case, the Northwest agent took pity on me and me let me go without paying!!!
Life is good.

Birthday in Lamu

Much to tell you about. The internet was down on Thursday and Friday, and so slow in Lamu that I had to wait until today.
I spent last Thursday at the daycare in Ngong. The kids were happy to see me again, though half of them still cry at the sight of my white skin! There are now 90 children there, they have established 2 kindergarten classes, a little nursery school class, and the rest is just day care for the 3 and under. The youngest is 4 months. The parents pay 300 Shillings, $5 per month for their children's school. That way the teachers get paid. Caroline did an amazing job keeping all the children safe during the violence, it became a refuge for the village. I brought blankets that my niece Elizabeth made, ( the link is my two grandmas) during nap time the kids sleep all huddled together on a thin piece of foam.The winter here, which is fast approaching, brings damp rainy cold weather so Caroline and the staff were so excited with the warm fleece blankets. I will post pictures when I get home. The kids had not had medical exams since I left so I spent the day listening to lungs, feeling bellies, looking at rashes. Some are healthy, some needed to see the local clinical officer, 4 I referred to the UK pediatrician who is working at Lea Toto. She graciously agreed to come and see them.
Wednesday was my meeting with the CDC and PEPFAR. It went well, which of course generated the need for more meetings. That comes tomorrow and I should leave there with a plan, and a return date. One can only hope.........
I flew to Lamu on Saturday. It felt so good to be back though it was a reflection of the fallout from the violence that there were only 4 people on the plane. It was great to be recognized (I'm turning into a regular!) and so graciously welcomed back. The owner of the guest house told me that there had been many cancellations and many lay offs. So very sad. The weather was island perfect, hot, humid sunny. Beautiful blue skies, blue water, colorful flowers, green palm trees, whitewashed buildings and clean white sand. I love sleeping listening to the sound of the Indian Ocean and feeling the sea breeze. I spent my birthday sitting in the town center, drinking coca cola baridi (cold) and watching all the activity, wandering the narrow streets,listening to the mix of swahili and arabic, replying to the kids' "jambo" (a short version of hello) and eating samosas.
Later I walked the beach and watched the sun set, a true magical birthday and one I will never forget.
Today I am back in Nairobi, saw my friend Warren last night, love traveling on public transportation with my passport, camera, credit card etc. so far so good though, still have them all. I will teach at nyumbani tonite, sleep there, have my meeting tomorrow again at the cdc, friday during the day I go to the city center for tea with my muslim friend muhammed, buy a certain little boy a very big carved giraffe then fly home on Friday night.
I will post pictures on Sunday. So strange to be here then so quickly back there.
Stay safe Officer Tim, xoxoxo Little boy

More awake today.

I had a good night sleep last night, jet lag really is so uncomfortable.
I had sort of forgotten (maybe I didn't want to remember!) how the internet here is such an issue, I had become spoiled at home again. It was down yesterday at Nyumbani and the one at the internet cafe was so slow it took forever. Today I get to use the one at AED, the American organization's offices, so I'm enjoying American speed again.
It's good being here. I feel very safe, everything feels pretty much the same. I'ts very expensive now though, I haven't really seen any food shortages but the price is definitely higher. Taxis are a lot more expensive (gas is cheaper here than in the US) so I had to get my matatu skills back quickly. People are quick to tell me I am safe, that everything is calm now. They are very curious as to what the rest of the world thought.
Nyumbani was great yesterday. I got there about 9 am, so most of the kids had left for school. I went first to the sickroom where I saw John and Sammy K. John was reading a book and didn't see me come in, I stood there and when he lowered the book he just looked absolutely stunned. Then he reached up his arms, got a big smile on his face and tears in his eyes. Brian came in because he wasn't feeling well and had stayed home from school. He stood there and looked like he couldn't believe his eyes. He too just wanted to be held for awhile. The little ones were at school in Nyumbani, again shock on their faces followed by big smiles and big hugs. Mark kept saying over and over Susan Gold Susan Gold.
The hard part about not staying at nyumbani is I'm not there at night. So, I won't be back there until tomorrow. Sr. Julie told me this morning that George asked her if it was true I was back! Hopefully tomorrow I will get there and spend more of the day and stay until early evening so I can see everyone.
The meetings are going well. more to come. It seems like I won't have to be here for as long as we thought when I come back. But, this is Africa,and everything changes all the time!
Pray for Sammy K, they fed him with the gravity feeding bags I brought and he seemed to tolerate it much better so had a much better night. But, it is clear to me he will not survive.
It's good to hear Swahili again, to see the smiles on the kids, to eat the samosas and drink citrus fanta!
I will blog again tomorrow or Friday.

Jet lagged in Kenya

I and my luggage arrived last night. Flights were so crowded but got me here! My driver and Ann's sister Carol were there to meet me at the airport. We created quite a scene. So, I am now back in the land of slooooooow internet. I am rediscovering my patience skills. It's good to be back, partly feels like I never left, but then it's so exciting to see everyone again.
Now for the kids. Sammy K looks awful. He is really non responsive, curled in a fetal position, grinds his teeth. I don't know if he hears me or not. It is so sad.
John is his usual high spirited self, even with a cast up to his hip! Eunice is walking, Fidelis jumped up from her chair and threw herself in my arms.
I will update again after my meeting. I'm trying to stay awake.
Stay safe Officer Tim, xoxoxo little boy.

One month later

I'm leaving on Sunday for Kenya. I fly out of Madison and land in Nairobi the evening (Kenya time) of Monday the 19th. I have meetings set up with the PEPFAR and AED staff on Wednesday morning. I won't be staying at Nyumbani, will be staying with friends, but will hightail it to Nyumbani on Tuesday morning. I'm bringing the usual assortment of goods and gifts. Most importantly, gravity feeding bags for Sammy K. He can't eat solids and they need a way to drip food into him so he tolerates it and doesn't vomit. Which is what he's been doing for days. A feeding pump is impractical because of electricity issues so this is a low-tech solution. The kids don't know I'm coming, it will be a great surprise and a very happy reunion.
My internet access will be limited but I will for sure (really!) let you all know how the reunion, meetings and Sammy are. I'm anxious to see him with my own American nurse eyes.

As Promised

Well, I had the teleconference this morning. Of course it started 40 minutes later than I expected, but really that's not bad for Kenya! They told me they are committed to the project, recognize the uniqueness of my work and the great need for it. They are working on 5 different options for developing the project. They will have a plan before I arrive in May, meetings are scheduled for May 21st, with the final plan that I return around July 1st. I'm excited but also sad to think about leaving my family. That will never never be easy. There's so much to balance, I love the work I do there, I think it's important and it fully uses my skills. The work of starting a new organization in a developing country will give me so many new skills, open new doors and give me so many new experiences. But, it takes me half a world away from my family. If I stay here I know my work won't be fulfilling or allow me to grow. Again, this is never never easy.
Sad news. I talked to Beth, a volunteer who returned home last week after 10 months at Nyumbani. She said Sammy has had another stroke and is now completely paralyzed, most likely blind, unable to speak or eat. He also appears to cry out in pain a lot.
Before the second stroke he got the Hallmark cards we all sent, the ones with the music in them. She said he loved them, knew they were from us. He would play the music all the time, (which drove everyone crazy!) and wouldn't let anyone take them away from him. She said she talked to him all the time about me, that I was going to come back and help take care of him. That we loved him.

A Plan, Sort Of

Ive been waiting until I heard something for sure, and one thing I learned in Kenya is you wait. and wait. Finally, some word has come through. I am having a teleconference on Wednesday morning with the PEPFAR folks, to discuss the "way forward." (That's a phrase you hear over and over) I am going on May 18th for 12 days. I need to check on Sammy, (haven't heard anything more from Nyumbani) see my Cottage D kids and finalize the plans I make on Wednesday. I'm hoping I will return to Kenya on July 1st to finish my work.
More details on Wednesday, promise!

Update on Sammy

Dr. Jean B, a pediatrician from the UK, was able to return to Kenya last week. She and her husband, a micro economist, are there for 2 years with VSO, Volunteer Services Organization. She is the doctor who helped Ken so much at the end. They had been evacuated back to the UK when all the trouble happened but have now come back.
She emailed me this morning that she was able to examine Sammy, there also happened to be an American doctor visiting.
What she said was that he has had several strokes, due to the CMV and HIV. He is starting to recognize some people and say the "odd word." But, there has been extensive neurological damage and recovery is impossible. He is paralyzed. They also reviewed his ARV and viral load history, and the results of the tests that tested his virus against his ARVS.
There are no ARVs available in Kenya that will help him.
I don't know what to say.

A Little More News

Sammy K is on the right medicine. They also were able to test his blood to see which ARVS would work the best against the strain of HIV he has. Hopefully the right ARVS will be available in Kenya or through PEPFAR. That would not be an issue in any Western country, he would have whatever he needed. It's only in the poor countries that the world thinks it's okay for children to not have access to what will keep them alive. Like medicine, food, clean water. Something to think about.
As the medicine he's on does his work he's suffering from seizures. Those are most likely caused by the disturbances in his brain caused by CMV. They are treating them, and hopefully they won't cause any further damage. He faces a long road back to what will still be an uncertain future. If your kids ever tell you life is unfair, tell them about Sammy.
The link to My Two Grandmas is for the best blankets ever. My niece makes them and all the kids in Cottage D have them and really love them. They come highly recommended!

Linking You Up

Elizabeth showed me how to add links to other sites on my blog. So, now you can effortlessly get to Nyumbani, Elizabeth's blog, or apply for a Fulbright!
Sammy is on the right medicine, but is having some unpleasant side effects that include screaming. The good news is that he can obviously make noise again but he's still not speaking.
More snow here, and Ali will be learning to be a doctor at UW Medical School!

A Little More News

Sammy K is hanging in there. I have not been able to find out if he's on the right medicine but I'm just hoping that he is. He is eating well, but very tired of not being able to communicate. Imagine.
I have heard from PEPFAR, most likely my return will be sometime in April. In the meantime I continue to do presentations wherever I'm asked. People have been so generous, we still need some more funding but I think we will meet our goal.
The coolest thing is that I've been able to present in 2 schools, with one more scheduled. All the schools are doing fund raising, so it's not just adults with checkbooks it's American kids helping Kenyan kids. What can be better than that for everyone?
(remember Nyumbani.org in the comment section earmark the funds for Visit US)

Sammy News (especially for Dylan)

I got an email today from Sr. Julie at Nyumbani. I had sent her the suggestions, thoughts etc from Dr. Jim Conway, Pediatric Infectious Disease doc I work with. He thought one of a couple of different viruses were possibly causing the paralysis and other problems and he was right! He tested positive for CMV (cytomegalovirus) long name, but eventually treatable. He will need short term IV antiviral (not anti hiv med, another class of anti viral) and then long term oral therapy. The good news is that the damage is reversible if he gets the right treatment which Nyumbani will see that he does. Hopefully, all this will be done in time. He is not out of the woods, still needs your prayers and your love, but there is a light shining on him now.
I will keep you all informed. It truly takes a village to raise these children. But, they are so worth the effort!

Latest News

Lots to tell you about. I really hope people are still reading, I know I haven't been posting much but it's been hard getting the news. First, safety issues. Kids in Nyumbani and Village are all safe, kids in slums still continue to struggle. I heard this morning that Rosalia's family has been displaced and her brother shot. They are trying to get me more details. I can't even imagine how frightened she is.
The Americans are all safe, still doing their work. PEPFAR is still working on my project plans and return. The money has been budgeted but my return is at minimum weeks away. So frustrating.
Negotiations with the government for a political solution are ongoing and seem somewhat promising. Nothing like African politics!
One of the D boys, Sammy K is not doing well. It appears he lost sight in his right eye a few weeks ago and last Sunday became paralyzed on his right side, can't speak and has right hand tremors. He is sleeping a lot and appears to not be in any pain. When he's awake he eats and drinks, but really can't communicate. He is the most loving sweet not complaining boy. I will never understand why the children of Kenya suffer so much. His ARVS are not containing his virus anymore. I can't bear the thought of losing another Cottage D boy. I don't know how the kids will ever recover, how they can suffer so much loss and still go on.
I am continuing my fund raising to bring them here for a visit, I am blessed with all your generosity and I pray that Sammy recovers and gets to come too. My heart will be so lightened when I turn them over to American doctors.
To donate go to Nyumbani.org and earmark funds for Visit US!
Good family news: it's a girl! on the way for Elizabeth and Brandon and Ali has also been accepted at UW Medical School. Officer Tim and Liz are the proud owners of a beagle puppy named Bailey. Little boy is talking and growing like a weed. All my kids could actually be back in Wisconsin, while I'm in Kenya!

Good news, Bad news, Great news

First the great news, Elizabeth is having a baby girl!!! They had an ultrasound, she's perfect and female! Due date is June 13th. We are all excited and anxious to welcome her.
The bad news is that the turmoil continues in Kenya with no real solution in sight. Despite the efforts of the international community and Kofi Annan the violence continues. It has degenerated into tribal conflict under the guise of political unrest. Long standing tribal issues and hatreds have been unleashed and the innocent suffer. The rape rate has greatly increased, people have no access to their medications so the death rate from HIV will increase as their virus becomes resistant and the infection rate will rise. The long term implications of all this will go on for generations. My return is still on hold, I am determined at some point to go back to do the work that will be even more important but at this point it's not safe. The kids in the orphanage and the village are still safe, the kids in the slums are not. Some have been found, many have scattered. Please pray for all of them.
Now the good news. I decided that while I was here I would use my time wisely. You all know how much my D boys mean to me, John, George, Brian and Sammy K. Well, with the help of the orphanage staff, Sr. Mary's and the American board of Nyumbani's approval I am bringing them to the US in December for a visit!!!! Nicholas has agreed to accompany them (4 boys who have never traveled? He's quite brave!). They will be here for about 3 weeks and we hope to travel from Madison through Iowa, Milwaukee Chicago to Washington DC, and New York. What I will need is help with the airfare. We are arranging for them to get medical care, George has a terrible cough, Sammy's eyes hurt all the time, John has had 2 surgeries on his leg. They are all well enough to travel but there would be long term benefit from the care we could give them here. People have asked if it would be cruel to bring them here and then send them back. Kenya is their home, other Nyumbani kids who have traveled overseas had no problem going back to Nyumbani and sharing their experiences. They will have so much to tell their friends and their mums. They can tell them that people here love and care about them, that there's a whole world out there that if they do well in school and take their meds they can take their place in that world.
We chose December because they know summer and they want to know what winter is. Whatever it takes we will find them some snow! They won't know until a few weeks before they leave that they are coming, things are obviously usually too uncertain and we don't want any disappointed kids. Protus is now working on getting birth certificates which will allow them to get passports. We're hoping visas won't be too difficult with all the connections we have.
If you would like to help (and please do!) you can make a tax deductible donation through the Nyumbani.org website, under comments earmark the funds for Visit US
There are 4 boys whose lives you can change, and you can hopefully meet them too!

Watching and Waiting

This will be a big week in Kenya's history. The opposition has called for protests on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. They will either be peaceful or a bloodbath. If chaos results I'm sure it will impact my future plans.
Warren is back in Nairobi, says he is well but shell shocked from his experience in Kericho. My friend Mary's husband Richard emailed and said they have been fine, used the $30 taxi to get to the airport rather than the $750 military escort and arrived there without any problems. They live in Karen, where the orphanage is, and have been barely touched by the violence. The Hardisons, who run the mission hospital up by Kisumo, were evacuated to Nairobi, and say they are safe, well rested and well fed. Like everywhere in the world, what you see depends on where you stand.
Watch the news, watch the blog. And pray.

One step forward 2 steps back

So, for a awhile the news was good, things had settled down and there seemed to be some progress in coming up with a peaceful solution. I have been in touch with Warren and Nicholas, they're in different areas of the country so have different perspectives. Both were feeling very optimistic and starting to venture a little farther out from where they were hunkered down. Then, the president appointed a cabinet full of his tribal members and the opposition leader refused to meet with him. Violence again.
As all this plays out against the background of our own electoral process I have learned so much about what it takes to make a democracy work, it's more than just a trip to a voting booth. The lack of leadership in Kenya has chilling implications for the ability of tribes to live together peacefully.
The hardest thing is the implications for all this in terms of the country's economy, tourism and most poignantly, the lives of it's children. The HIV+ children enrolled in our Lea Toto program are now scattered and out of their ARV medication. Time off from the meds greatly increases the risk of resistance and due to the limited availability of drugs in Africa will certainly lead to the death of many.
My own plans, like those of many people, are pretty much on hold. I will go back when the US Embassy says it is safe. In the meantime, I have decided to use my time wisely and have come up with a plan for my D boys. Stay tuned for details...................

Watching It All

Things are still very bad in Kenya. I have been able to talk to an exhausted heart broken Warren. The compound in Kericho where I taught is now home to 1500 frightened Kikuyu. The IU program is evacuated out of Eldoret. Nairobi continues to self destruct. No one knows how or when this will end. I have been in touch with mum Anne's family and Nicholas. All are safe, the volunteers in Nyumbani are staying behind the guarded gates, all are facing food and water shortages. I look at the plenty around me and feel ashamed of all I have here. I watch on the news and see the streets I walked many times. I think of all the shopkeepers I met and got to know and wonder if their stores still exist. I worry about all the kids (3000) who come to the Lea Toto clinics in the slums and know that for now they won't see doctors and nurses when they're sick and won't get their next month's ARVS, and that could literally kill them. I have no idea where or how Rosalia is, she lives in Kibera where there has been much violence. How frightened they all must be. When Dr. Jim Conway was visiting me we walked through Kibera together and wondered why it hadn't erupted, a million people living in extreme poverty I couldn't begin to describe. We wondered what the spark would be that would set it all off. Now we know.
Please keep all of them in your thoughts and prayers, I will keep you updated.